Tuesday, June 5, 2007

What do you really mean?

So the situation wherein my feelings were hurt has been addressed, but not really resolved. I spoke with the person involved (A) today and made plans to meet on Thursday. It is hard to explain this situation, but suffice it to say that I think A was being less than truthful on the phone when she said she didn't want to continue doing the thing that had hurt my feelings. Seems this would be a good thing, but it is not.

I would much rather someone hurt my feelings by being honest and saying what they mean rather than backtracking and lying so as not to hurt my feelings. I can get over feelings that are hurt with honesty. What is harder to deal with is feelings that are hurt and then being lied to. If you don't want to do something, if you don't like someone, if you feel like you'd rather do something with someone else, then SAY SO! Be honest and OWN IT!! It's really ok and I truly believe people would rather you were honest because anything else creates awkwardness and surface behavior that doesn't work if you want to have a good relationship with someone in the long run.

What is bad about my situation is that all the evidence points in the direction of A really wanting to do the thing that hurt my feelings as opposed to not doing that thing (yeah, I know this is cryptic, but I can't put many details here). I'm an attorney AND a journalist. I'm observant and I remember facts and "evidence" as it were. I remember what people said and I can piece that together with the whole picture. In this case, the picture is looking rather false at the moment.

I should be clear that I do understand that A is trying to do the right thing as she sees it. I give her some small credit for that I suppose, but that doesn't work for me.

I will straighten all this out on Thursday though. I plan to talk with A and let her know that I prefer honest, authentic relationships and I hope that is what we can have with one another. We'll see. Stay tuned.

1 comment:

Shelby said...

Here's to Thursday :)