Stealing these from Maria at Just Eat Your Cupcake.
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving 'til 5.
Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection. Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch.
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know. Let's Yahoo! it..." Just sayin'
So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?
Dear girls who have been dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea....Just kidding! They're all dead.
I liked it, so I put a ring on it.
I feel your pain.....no one wants to run with me either.
Dear World of Warcraft,
Thank you for ensuring my son's virginity.
What was your power again?
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.
the Nail Salon Ladies.
Dear ugly people,
Dear Martin Luther King, Jr.
I have a dream within a dream within a dream within another dream...What now?
Leonardo Di Caprio
Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars end there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy, okay?
GET BACK TO WORK!
Dear White People,
Don't you just hate immigrants?
Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut.
Every iPhone User
Dear Giant Spider on the Wall,
Please die. Please die. Please die. Please die. CRAP!! Where did you go?
At least you get picked up...
The Girls of Jersey Shore
It's cute, but can't you pick up peanuts with it?
Dear Dr. Phil,
Listen there's only room for one fake doctor in this world and I was here first.