BACKGROUND

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

To tell or not to tell? That is the question.

So here is an interesting dilemma and I would love to hear readers' comments on this one. The following story was told to me by a friend. And yes, it really was a friend and not me. Here is the story:

My friend, we'll call him Max, was dating a woman for awhile. We'll call her Sarah. Max found out Sarah was married. Max continued to date Sarah for a very short time after finding out she was married, but he felt guilty and stopped seeing her. Max felt awful for seeing Sarah after knowing she was married and he felt that her husband should know what his wife was up to. So Max gathered his courage and called the husband to tell him what had been going on. 

Max apologized profusely to the husband and offered to answer any questions the husband might have had, knowing that the husband was caught off guard by this and probably would have many questions. To his credit, the husband did not lash out at Max, although certainly he had the right to do so. He was rather calm, which was likely brought on by the shock of the news. 

After Max told me this story, I started thinking about this situation. If you have an affair with someone and it is broken off, when, if ever, is it appropriate to tell the spouse about it? Let's assume the spouse is not the psychotic come over to your house and maul you with various weapons type. That is always a danger in this scenario, but I'd like to hear thoughts on the question in general. 

Should you tell the spouse at all?

If so, why?

If not, why not?

4 comments:

Maria said...

Nope. Stay the hell out of it. It's their relationship, not yours.

Lawfrog said...

Maria - that was the general consensus on Facebook as well when I posted a link to this blog. I must admit that I am torn. If I was in the position of being cheated on, I would want to know. On the other hand, staying out of it certainly has its merits as well.

Thank, Q said...

I agree w/Maria. It's not the side piece's place to tell. What if the guy would have flown off the handle and hurt Sarah? Although she's wrong for cheating, he would have surely felt somewhat responsible for what happened.

The best thing to do is cut ties and be thankful that the husband didn't find out first.

Karen Peterson said...

I think I'd tell. I know it's their relationship, but Sarah got Max involved in their business by getting involved with him.