Sometimes it's just about staying strong through the things that make you fall to your knees with despair. Sometimes that strength looks like tears. Sometimes it looks like laughter. It's about knowing you can get through the difficult things and that joy will come. It's about finding whatever port you can in the storm, seeking whatever shelter is available and riding it out. Then, it's about having compassion for those who are still in the middle of their own storms. It's about providing that shelter for them if you can and if you can't, it's about giving what you can and standing beside them as their storm rages reminding them that it will not always hurt this bad, it will not always be this painful, but while it is, you are there. Always.
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
In my newest article, I explore the ugly side of weight loss. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this, especially if you've experienced it yourself. Even if you haven't, I always enjoy hearing what people think. Click the link below to read the article.
Sunday, May 18, 2014
Something I’ve been thinking about – I have friends who are stay-at-home moms and a common theme among them is people who dismiss them as though they have nothing interesting to say because they stay at home with their kids. At any given gathering, people will always ask you what you do for a living and the conversation generally flows from that. For some of my SAHM friends, once they say they stay at home, people dismiss them with “Oh” and move on to someone else.
Obviously, the fault here lies with the person who is dismissive because if you honestly cannot think of something to talk about other than work, something is wrong with you. People are multi-faceted and interesting in many different ways. You can ask what someone does for a living, there’s nothing wrong with that, but you should also be able to talk about them as a PERSON, not them as a job. So, if you encounter someone who is a SAHM, you can ask what challenges they find with that, what do they enjoy about it, what are their hobbies, what books have they recently read, do they have pets, and on and on it goes. You may be surprised to learn that the SAHM you just dismissed volunteers her time reading to the blind or that she was once a statistician and now uses those skills at home, that she likes to watch professional wrestling after the kids are in bed.
I have had interesting conversations with everyone from stay-at-home parents to lawyers to the garbage man to the lifeguard at the pool. Any number of “Really, I never would have thought that” moments can come out of a conversation if you’re willing to listen and not be dismissive based simply on what someone does for a living. Just saying.
Friday, May 16, 2014
I finally finished the book I've been reading for about three years now. It was Defending Angels by Mary Stanton, the first in a series of books about a lawyer who defends other worldly clients. Sounds like a good premise, but this book was horribly boring and I read it in fits and starts hence it taking me literally three years to read it. I was glad to finish it, but I can't say I enjoyed it at all. It moved too slowly and the ending didn't really wrap it up well in my view.
What I am reading right now:
Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet by Jamie Ford.
Knit Two by Kate Jacobs. This is the second in The Friday Night Knitting Club series. I loved the first book which was titled The Friday Night Knitting Club and this book is equally as good.
The Art of Love by Elizabeth Edmondson. I absolutely loved Edmondson's A Villa in Italy. This book is good too. It's another one I'm reading slowly as I have others I've been interested in finishing, but I am enjoying it.
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
I love Captain Awkward! She has one of the best advice blogs on the Internet and I encourage everyone to read her posts. No, I am not being paid to say that. It's just the truth.
She recently wrote about a guy who simply could not let go after a four-month relationship with a woman. Two years after the breakup, the guy is still hanging on to what happened, over analyzing, and wanting closure. This got me to thinking about closure. Closure is something people seek from others, but when it comes down to it, it's something you have to give yourself. It's very rare that you receive closure from others in the way you want to receive it. In fact, seeking closure can often be more hurtful than letting something lie. A lot of people will try to spare the feelings of another person by telling them "It's not you, it's me" or "I just need space right now." The person then pushes and pushes for an answer until finally they hear things they may not have wanted or needed to hear. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do for yourself is leave it alone.
Also, when someone specifically asks that you not contact them, DO NOT CONTACT THEM. Captain Awkward talks about this in the column about the guy with the four-month relationship. The woman requested he not contact her and he continued to do so and then wondered why she wouldn't give him closure. Well, perhaps because she asked you to leave her alone and you continued to cross that boundary repeatedly?
Sometimes we just have to understand that other people are not the solution to our emotions. The only one who can help you is you. Give yourself closure in the form of letting go of the situation, person, or relationship and moving on. It may take therapy, meditation, or any number of other things to make that happen, but harassing the person who has asked that you stay away is not a viable option and can get you in more trouble than it's worth.
Letting go and moving on is some of the hardest work we do as human beings. But it is also the most worthwhile work. Move on. Make room in your life for the things and the people who want to be there. Chasing after someone who doesn't want to be there is pathetic and you end up missing out on the people who are interested in being a part of your journey.