Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Captain Awkward

I love Captain Awkward! She has one of the best advice blogs on the Internet and I encourage everyone to read her posts. No, I am not being paid to say that. It's just the truth. 

She recently wrote about a guy who simply could not let go after a four-month relationship with a woman. Two years after the breakup, the guy is still hanging on to what happened, over analyzing, and wanting closure. This got me to thinking about closure. Closure is something people seek from others, but when it comes down to it, it's something you have to give yourself. It's very rare that you receive closure from others in the way you want to receive it. In fact, seeking closure can often be more hurtful than letting something lie. A lot of people will try to spare the feelings of another person by telling them "It's not you, it's me" or "I just need space right now." The person then pushes and pushes for an answer until finally they hear things they may not have wanted or needed to hear. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do for yourself is leave it alone. 

Also, when someone specifically asks that you not contact them, DO NOT CONTACT THEM. Captain Awkward talks about this in the column about the guy with the four-month relationship. The woman requested he not contact her and he continued to do so and then wondered why she wouldn't give him closure. Well, perhaps because she asked you to leave her alone and you continued to cross that boundary repeatedly? 

Sometimes we just have to understand that other people are not the solution to our emotions. The only one who can help you is you. Give yourself closure in the form of letting go of the situation, person, or relationship and moving on. It may take therapy, meditation, or any number of other things to make that happen, but harassing the person who has asked that you stay away is not a viable option and can get you in more trouble than it's worth. 

Letting go and moving on is some of the hardest work we do as human beings. But it is also the most worthwhile work. Move on. Make room in your life for the things and the people who want to be there. Chasing after someone who doesn't want to be there is pathetic and you end up missing out on the people who are interested in being a part of your journey. 


Jillian Leigh said...

awesome post!! Yes, closure is not necessarily something you get from another person... it's something you have to trigger within yourself... to let go. that can be a form of closure. sometimes, we have this perception of what closure "should" be... it "should" be a confrontation, a verbal exchange with the other person. Sometimes, closure is as simple as walking forward..not looking back.

because some stories are unfinished. .. that's probably why we seek closure. we want everything to be completed. ended... people in general, just hate loose ends.

i know i do.

Karen M. Peterson said...

This is a great post, and so very true. Closure has to come from within. It's not something anyone can give us.